Rock n Roll State of the Union.

Pure ROCK N ROLL eggs too!--Grandpaboy.

So I'm an addict. I can't stop thinking about music and wanting to do something. Not anything but something. Longtime readers know my frustrating rise to the bottom and the resultant burn out. I think I'm still burn out. Why? Well I don't want to seem whiney but here goes. Look I just have to talk about it from time to time. I'm humming 8 mile.
Gigs.
I am really tired of playing in Nashville. If it's not a gig where no one shows it's one where everyone shows for the other person. I have no ability to win a crowd over. I'm not 18 and in a skirt. I also like a band that has a "What the hell is going to happen next factor." Besides that this doesn't go over well here I'm too old for this. There is no place to play that has a built in crowd. It's either uncomfortable silence or your what everyone is waiting to have over with. That said if offered a gig I wanted I'd take it. I read an article in The Scene a few months ago about what a club goes through to book a show. Since there is no built in crowd at any bar so every bar is fighting every night to get a crowd and get money. They depend on hot networking bands to do this. I am neither. I wouldn't book me. My friends that go see music are in bands and have already seen me and know the drill-they have been there, done that. They got better stuff to do. I wouldn't go see me, ok. My other friends don't like the kind of music I do. They see me once and are done. Most of them are my wife's friends and they like Dave Matthews and John Mayer. I'm neither. I make no sense to people under 30. I am from Jimmy Reed and The Stones, I play rock n roll. Not whatever it is cool kids like. I'm not artsy. Which poses another problem. Just as I'm not weird enough for cool kids I'm too weird or artsy for Rock n Roll Country fans because I'm not like Skynrd. I'm not southern rock. I'm southern and I rock. I'd probably do well in Chicago or Minneapolis. To summarize, I can't draw a crowd and nothing about my music or sound is going to draw a crowd here.
This all ties into the live show. I played some pretty terrible live shows here in 2003-2006. This was my window. I didn't do a very good job. I've never gone out and gotten a hired gun band of dynamite players. I've always got who I could get and who wanted to play and often left playing the lead and only guitar up to me. I also during this period played the stuff off of "Willingness" live which is about like watching paint dry, especially when done with a band set up like Nirvana. Yes, I played my bluegrass goth record as a power trio. Brilliant. In 2006-2007 or so I hooked up with Shannon and Greg and started playing fun stuff from my bag. This worked but still with me on guitar which is a two edged sword. Most guitar players bore me. Most are too tasteful. I am a let it all hang out rock n roll throw down which can, as evidenced by recordings made at the 5 Spot, make for 4 bars of nice playing and 40 something bars of erratic playing. So as much fun as Shannon and Greg and I were having I think we were too loud and too sloppy. I think some people liked us but for the most part it was, again, confusing. Pretty much everything I do is confusing. The demos I give out are all with a drum machine. This isn't really helpful either. I sound like 80's pop country doing The Stones. I don't think people can make the leap with the drum machine sound. Conventional wisdom would say to put out your 4 track downer record a few years into your career. Well I put out a 4 track downer record as my first thing in Nashville. I was desperate to put something out. I was depressed. I was being told if I made something things would happen. It's like I shut whatever opening I had. Every publisher who swore up and down they'd be behind it disappeared. I really wish that "February Fireworks" was not the first song. I cannot sing on the 8ths. I wish "Deliverance" was and I wish "Leona Barnett" was the last track. But to do these things you need drums. I could not afford drums. I don't think I'll ever figure out how people afford to make their records. I'm inclined to think everyone is a rich kid and I'm not but I know that can't always be true. I should have made the record with real drums and an upright bass and fiddle etc. I think it would have made sense then.
So to play live I'd like to go back to acoustic and then bring the volume way down with a guitar, drums and bass. I also terribly miss having a girl singer. The male female dynamic in a band always resonates with me. I always have liked that sound, the big acoustic with a back up band. I'd like to be able to play and not be an ear ringer. But time, effort, finding people I can deal with that have time and want to put in effort-for free, this is unlikely.
So why not play gigs in other towns and make a real record? Well I'm not going to travel for nothing and I'm certainly not any good at booking gigs in other towns and I'd have no way to pay for any of this. So it's out until I hit the lotto.

Publishing. I've met with a few publishers and they all tell me I'm really good and have great lyrics but that I need to make a name for them and then people would use them in movies and cover them. Well as far as "making a name for them" see the above for how well that went. A friend asked me a few months ago, "If you were really any good, don't you think someone would have done something?" You know I think they are right. I mean really if a publisher really thought I was Dylan good then why not help me? I walked on my first record deal, my second was a small operation, my third the guy skipped town and then the engineer erased our record. Publisher wise I've had two sing my praises only to absolutely disappear. One even recorded 10 songs by me with drums that I have never heard because they suddenly forgot how to work a phone I guess. I know that quote what is it, "The industry is filled with jerks and this and that and also some mean people." I'm not a very good rock n roll guy. I have no tattoos. I don't stay up all night. I smoke a cigar. I drink a beer. I show up on time. I like punctual. I like an office job. I'm pretty old fashioned. I'd say I could have been Buddy Holly but he was probably a thug. I'd have made a kick ass something.

So I have a week here where I could write some songs but for what? No gigs, no publishing, no fans, no deals, nothing. I used to write for a few reasons. To impress girls. Well I'm married. To prove something to the world. Well, I'm old and not so angry. To be the greatest writer in the world. I got old and realized that's not possible. I found out that it's arbitrary. It took the competition out of it and ruined it for me. It's not worth doing to me for kicks or putting daises between my toes. I don't do it because I love it. But I do love it. But not in any enjoyable way. Make sense? I was out for blood. I'm not as complicated anymore. I don't feel like a lonely scrawny nerd boy anymore. I feel like a man. But I don't know what men do with music. Tom Waits? Bruce Springsteen? Maybe John Hiatt? So there's no return. I'd rather rent a movie and take a walk or shoot some hoops if that's how it is...

So I have a few song ideas...